Totally Fucked
I apologize to anyone who has worried about me since I stopped posting over a year ago. It will take a while to explain, but for starters, this is where I moved to when I stopped blogging and continued to live there for way too long:
That's right - in total and utter blackness. Competing in the Ironman Descent to Hell (the point being is that unlike the true Ironman contests, the point of this race is that everyone who enters is guaranteed to lose and many will die).
Although I started to move out of the pitch black of Hell sometime ago (btw, not somewhere you go after you die), I think that my return to some kind of conscious living really started to happen in April when I saw THE MOST AWESOME AND INCREDIBLE BROADWAY SHOW EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THEATRE - Spring Awakening. Talk about a life changing experience. The title of this post is the title of one of the songs from the show, which is on my sidebar (I wish there was a better version on YouTube but I couldn't find one). As I hope to be able to share with you over time, while I was living in the land of the hopelessly lost losers, I ultimately reached the point where I knew that I was totally and utterly FUCKED!
Now, this show has everything that a good broadway musical needs to have: teenage pregnancy, child abuse, back alley abortions, suicide and gay characters. But for all the sadness and tragedy it ultimately delivers a message of hope and inspiration that had me almost drowning in my own tears and snot - only several rows from the stage and close enough that I'm sure the actors could hear me. For me, I understood it's meaning to be that regardless of where you find yourself in life, no matter how hopeless the situation appears to be - you must go on. If it's not already, it will be touring soon. If nothing else, in that moment and the moments that followed, I knew what true and joyous happiness felt like. It is hard to believe that the play on which the musical is based was written in the 1890's.
The day after seeing it, I found myself wandering Central Park on an exquisite spring morning - and it dawned on me that I was experiencing a spring awakening of my own; that, in fact, I had moved out of the madness of addiction and self-destruction and was looking for more suitable accommodation. To be sure, if I do get going again on this blog, this awakening will be one of the themes as I continue to stitch together the threads of my heart too many times broken. It may one day be about running and training, but for now it is going to be about my quest for healthy living, healing and about learning how to be ever more authentically myself.
The experience was all the more memorable, as I happened to be in New York during the Broadway Cares Appeal and in exchange for a $350 donation, I got to go on a guided tour of the backstage area with the three leads, Jonathan, Leah and Blake. The three of them were AWESOME! I have a great picture of the three of us backstage but alas, the upload image feature in Blogger won't let me.
I hope that some of you will want to share my journey with me - the hard times may not be all the way behind me just yet, but I BELIEVE (Thanks Spence:)) that I am back on the right road and moving ever forward.
Namaste.
That's right - in total and utter blackness. Competing in the Ironman Descent to Hell (the point being is that unlike the true Ironman contests, the point of this race is that everyone who enters is guaranteed to lose and many will die).
Although I started to move out of the pitch black of Hell sometime ago (btw, not somewhere you go after you die), I think that my return to some kind of conscious living really started to happen in April when I saw THE MOST AWESOME AND INCREDIBLE BROADWAY SHOW EVER IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THEATRE - Spring Awakening. Talk about a life changing experience. The title of this post is the title of one of the songs from the show, which is on my sidebar (I wish there was a better version on YouTube but I couldn't find one). As I hope to be able to share with you over time, while I was living in the land of the hopelessly lost losers, I ultimately reached the point where I knew that I was totally and utterly FUCKED!
Now, this show has everything that a good broadway musical needs to have: teenage pregnancy, child abuse, back alley abortions, suicide and gay characters. But for all the sadness and tragedy it ultimately delivers a message of hope and inspiration that had me almost drowning in my own tears and snot - only several rows from the stage and close enough that I'm sure the actors could hear me. For me, I understood it's meaning to be that regardless of where you find yourself in life, no matter how hopeless the situation appears to be - you must go on. If it's not already, it will be touring soon. If nothing else, in that moment and the moments that followed, I knew what true and joyous happiness felt like. It is hard to believe that the play on which the musical is based was written in the 1890's.
The day after seeing it, I found myself wandering Central Park on an exquisite spring morning - and it dawned on me that I was experiencing a spring awakening of my own; that, in fact, I had moved out of the madness of addiction and self-destruction and was looking for more suitable accommodation. To be sure, if I do get going again on this blog, this awakening will be one of the themes as I continue to stitch together the threads of my heart too many times broken. It may one day be about running and training, but for now it is going to be about my quest for healthy living, healing and about learning how to be ever more authentically myself.
The experience was all the more memorable, as I happened to be in New York during the Broadway Cares Appeal and in exchange for a $350 donation, I got to go on a guided tour of the backstage area with the three leads, Jonathan, Leah and Blake. The three of them were AWESOME! I have a great picture of the three of us backstage but alas, the upload image feature in Blogger won't let me.
I hope that some of you will want to share my journey with me - the hard times may not be all the way behind me just yet, but I BELIEVE (Thanks Spence:)) that I am back on the right road and moving ever forward.
Namaste.
posted by Scott at 3:26 PM
6 Comments:
It's awesome to see you again! I missed you.
Okay, so that wasn't the ironman I was picturing . . . but welcome back! Hopefully to stay.
oh oh oh, you're here!
i have to run out, but i'll read and recomment when i get back. i just wanted to say that i'm thrilled that you're back.
so hre i am again. whoo hoo! glad you got the message to pull yourself up and out. and being healthy doesn't mean you have to just run. you find what works for you and, if we're really nice, will you let us take a peek?
I've been waiting one year for this day. Welcome back, and yes, I will stick around to witness your journey.
Be here now. SO glad you're back.
Post a Comment
<< Home