The "athlete within" (or Defying Gravity... literally)
So it's on.
I've power walked over 30 km this past week and several times, I have had to stop myself from starting to run. I could feel 'the run' welling up within me and I thought that I could explode from the joy that I felt. I'm of the mind though that if I want to set my sights on a future marathon, that I have to stick to low impact activity until I've lost some weight.
OMG - I have not felt this good in a long long time.
I have returned to living in my body and it feels like home. I don't know whether this makes any sense or not, but I tend to live too much in my head and yield to my baser emotions which results in a rejection of my physical self. Even with all the extra weight I am carrying, I somehow feel light in my body. This is in contrast to trudging through my life, a self-destructive/self-hating blob of fat.
While I have been away from work, I have been striving to let go of no longer needed baggage. As it is told in one of Jesus' parables (I am no theologian, so I could have this terribly wrong... but anyway), following much knashing and grinding of teeth, I am (finally?) burning the noxious weeds that have been allowed to grow in my field of beautiful golden wheat.
I am reconnecting with my humanity which is resulting in connections with others. The heart is mending.
Six months ago, I sat in my therapists' office and opined that I could see nothing in my future except blackness. Now, I see bright, vivid colour, and I'm letting myself believe in all kinds of possibilites.
Many years ago, during another really healthy time in my life, I developed a concept of the "athlete within". I understood this athlete to be the mature and competent man that I know I am and I am so grateful that this "athlete within" is emerging once more.
I'd much appreciate links to other blogs written by emerging runners or runners who have faced enormous challenges to live their marathon dreams (older runners as well). Without a doubt, the mountain before me is steep and there are going to be consequences to be paid for planting the weeds, but I'm resolved to give it my all.
I BELIEVE I CAN.
I've power walked over 30 km this past week and several times, I have had to stop myself from starting to run. I could feel 'the run' welling up within me and I thought that I could explode from the joy that I felt. I'm of the mind though that if I want to set my sights on a future marathon, that I have to stick to low impact activity until I've lost some weight.
OMG - I have not felt this good in a long long time.
I have returned to living in my body and it feels like home. I don't know whether this makes any sense or not, but I tend to live too much in my head and yield to my baser emotions which results in a rejection of my physical self. Even with all the extra weight I am carrying, I somehow feel light in my body. This is in contrast to trudging through my life, a self-destructive/self-hating blob of fat.
While I have been away from work, I have been striving to let go of no longer needed baggage. As it is told in one of Jesus' parables (I am no theologian, so I could have this terribly wrong... but anyway), following much knashing and grinding of teeth, I am (finally?) burning the noxious weeds that have been allowed to grow in my field of beautiful golden wheat.
I am reconnecting with my humanity which is resulting in connections with others. The heart is mending.
Six months ago, I sat in my therapists' office and opined that I could see nothing in my future except blackness. Now, I see bright, vivid colour, and I'm letting myself believe in all kinds of possibilites.
Many years ago, during another really healthy time in my life, I developed a concept of the "athlete within". I understood this athlete to be the mature and competent man that I know I am and I am so grateful that this "athlete within" is emerging once more.
I'd much appreciate links to other blogs written by emerging runners or runners who have faced enormous challenges to live their marathon dreams (older runners as well). Without a doubt, the mountain before me is steep and there are going to be consequences to be paid for planting the weeds, but I'm resolved to give it my all.
"So if you care to find me,
look to the western sky....
And nobody in all of Oz,
no wizard that there is or was,
is ever going to bring me down...." (Wicked)
I BELIEVE I CAN.
posted by Scott at 3:05 PM
5 Comments:
is it a coincidence that the reading at church on Sunday was the one about weeds/wheat?
I believe you can too!
you're good not to run right now. it's better for your joints and your mind. delayed gratification. you're not running. you're walking and doing good things for your heart, but you're tempted to run and you're not.
there was a psychology experiment that had a doc and child talking with 1 marshmallow btwn them. doc said, "i'm going to leave for a few minutes. i don't want you to eat that marshmallow. if you don't, i'll let you have another and you can eat two, but if you eat this one, you don't get another." something like that.
the camera filmed the kids as they did everything they could NOT to eat the marshmallow. some couldn't resist. the docs followed these kids into adulthood and found that those who could delay gratification did better. fewer fights. stuff like that.
i'd have eaten that marshmallow, i'm sure.
oh, hey... here it is! god bless google!
"i've heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return."
Glinda's words have been on my wall for the past three months. I think we truly were separated at birth.
"Everyone deserves a chance to fly."
You're on your way, my friend. I'm so so glad.
ps. chalkboard paint is really cheap. Get yourself some, cover a blank wall with it and write whatever inspires you on it in loud colored chalk. I swear I reflect even just a little bit on what's written every single day.
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