DREAMS DIE HARD? or DREAMS NEVER DIE?
Hi all - Is it weird to have the feeling that I missed everyone?
Anyway, I'm back from my weekend in the country where I shared some good quality time with some of my family (for whom I am grateful beyond words), drank some great wine and tried to find some much needed perspective. I did but it is all so very tentative at the moment.
Most importantly, I didn't smoke. This is starting to feel like the battle of a lifetime. But first, let me explain... it's not that I really want to smoke. I don't. It's just that I don't yet know how to live without my cigarettes. Worse, I feel like I no longer know who I am. I feel all naked and vulnerable. Until my tired, battered, old body broke down... again... I was right into it and never felt better. But now, I'm on the bench and not even dressed to play, and I'm spiralling into a pit of despair. And the pit is all about the Meat Lovers pizza from Pizza Hut...
The good news here is that I am an old pro at disappointment and heartache and I am nothing, if not a survivor! Note the Chariots of Fire trailer that I have uploaded. If ever there was a film about guts and heart...
I will get through this. I have learned from experience that "getting through it" is really one's only option. I personally invented loathing and self-pity but now they are frankly boring and not at all attractive.
So here's my new plan:
1. continue not smoking (today is day 92 and counting)
2. continue with physio (memo to self: ICE stupid)
3. actually do the core training exercises (I bought a book about Pilates and a ball this weekend)
4. use the 6 sessions of Yoga that I paid for last Fall but never used
5. stop beating myself up for eating my way through this crisis
6. swim
7. modify running goals (c'mon Scott ... you'd die of happiness if you crossed the finish line of a 10k much less a marathon... it is all good)
Non-sequitor and utterly useless trivia: Did you know - that the line "Beam my up Scotty" was never actually spoken in an episode of Star Trek?
Anyway, I'm back from my weekend in the country where I shared some good quality time with some of my family (for whom I am grateful beyond words), drank some great wine and tried to find some much needed perspective. I did but it is all so very tentative at the moment.
Most importantly, I didn't smoke. This is starting to feel like the battle of a lifetime. But first, let me explain... it's not that I really want to smoke. I don't. It's just that I don't yet know how to live without my cigarettes. Worse, I feel like I no longer know who I am. I feel all naked and vulnerable. Until my tired, battered, old body broke down... again... I was right into it and never felt better. But now, I'm on the bench and not even dressed to play, and I'm spiralling into a pit of despair. And the pit is all about the Meat Lovers pizza from Pizza Hut...
The good news here is that I am an old pro at disappointment and heartache and I am nothing, if not a survivor! Note the Chariots of Fire trailer that I have uploaded. If ever there was a film about guts and heart...
I will get through this. I have learned from experience that "getting through it" is really one's only option. I personally invented loathing and self-pity but now they are frankly boring and not at all attractive.
So here's my new plan:
1. continue not smoking (today is day 92 and counting)
2. continue with physio (memo to self: ICE stupid)
3. actually do the core training exercises (I bought a book about Pilates and a ball this weekend)
4. use the 6 sessions of Yoga that I paid for last Fall but never used
5. stop beating myself up for eating my way through this crisis
6. swim
7. modify running goals (c'mon Scott ... you'd die of happiness if you crossed the finish line of a 10k much less a marathon... it is all good)
Non-sequitor and utterly useless trivia: Did you know - that the line "Beam my up Scotty" was never actually spoken in an episode of Star Trek?
posted by Scott at 8:34 PM
5 Comments:
Good on you for taking your life into your own hands! Good job on the smoking!!! If you can continue quitting I guarantee it will be one of the best things you have ever done for your self!!!
as for the kitties :) Yes we are extremely lucky to have such cute boys, but the pictures are deceiving. Tell your kitties that our cats are more like mancoon kitty size so really can't be compared to your cute domestic size kitties (our boys weigh 18-20 pounds a piece! They are BIG boys! Try having that wake you up by kneeding your tummy or chest!) Just wait till summer when we have to shave Milford, then he is really cute ;)
Way to go on not smoking! That's a huge accomplishment to go 92+ days!! Keep it up!!!
I think yoga has really helped me be a better runner - the stretches feel SO awesome on my tired, tight legs.
Keep sticking with your goals and you can accomplish anything!
Awesome job not smoking! I know how hard that can be. You should be really proud of 92 days!!! Just take one day at a time. Yoga really really really helped me as far as learning how to put things in perspective, and also with flexibility. Go directly to your classes! :) (especially if they're already paid for--even better!)
You have a lot of willpower. Keep it up - it will definitely pay off. Sounds like you had a much needed vacation!
92 days - that's awesome!! Your determination will see you through anything!
Glad that you had a relaxing vacation.
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