Vacation - Week 2 - Acceptance

6 MONTHS*



*as of May 7, 2006
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This is turning out to be the bestest vacation ever..........

1. By all accounts, the dinner party on Saturday night went really well. It certainly seemed like everyone had a good time (though out of sheer boredom, my 7 year old niece washed the dishes as an activity). Sadly, I will not be the recipient of any Uncle of the year awards.

The menu looked something like this:

*ceasar salad;
*sorel and chive soup;
*prime rib, baked potatoes and baked asparagus with asiago cheese and chives for the carnivores;
*spaghetti with tomato sauce for the vegetarian and child; and

*maple mousse with carmelized pine nuts for dessert.

I drank way too much red wine.

The next morning, I tried to make it to church however, I had to abhort due to the closure of one of our major streets (with no viable alternative route) for the Sporting Life 10k. This made me feel like a piece of shit, given that I had planned to run this race before my injuries re-surfaced in January.

2. On Saturday morning, while out shopping for flowers, I ran into a friend ("A") with whom I had lost touch and made plans to have dinner with him on Sunday to play catch up. Confession: Shallow though it may be (I admit it here), I wanted to show off all the interior decorating that I have had done in my apartment since "A" was last here (gay men can sometimes be quite tiresome in this regard). So for me, it was dinner party x2 nights. I'm not sure how I feel about reconnecting with "A", though this is a topic that will have to be explored another time.

Again, I drank way too much red wine. To make matters worse, we proceeded to a martini bar where we drank some more.

Memo to self: Enough.

3. Not good. I showed up yesterday morning to hit with Scott suffering with a blinding red wine hangover. Despite it though, I was striking the ball as if I hadn't been away from the sport for several years. Despite the lack of conditioning and my right quad thing, I'm hitting better than I expected however, that said, I just simply cannot get to some balls that I would have gotten ten years ago.

I am not happy about this at all. Hence the title of this post and an emerging theme of this vacation.

4. I had my second appointment with God this morning. No sight of assistant or Hunky Student. Just God; working on about 6 of us at the same time. He says there is nothing wrong with me that can't be fixed though I have to lose weight and do the core stengthening exercises. It is just unbelievable the range of motion that I have post treatment.

Memo to Self: Just do it already.

5. I have spent the last two days starkers on the so called 'clothing optional beach'. Now, if you knew me, you would be thinking - yeah right, like Scott's going to take his clothes off in public... So not.

But I did, damnit.

I have made a decision.

From this day forward in my life, I have decided that I am not going to be ashamed of the body that God gave me (the real God, not chiro God).

If you'll forgive the turn of phrase - this is fucking huge!


ACCEPTANCE.


Now, you might think that some great leap has been taken here that has not been explained. You're probably right. It is just that it is too big for words. You see, I am a big big believer in the concept that LIFE IS EXACTLY AS IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT NOW. So, this means that everything that I am dealing with is for a reason and from which I will learn and grow.

I could be so wrong, but by way of conclusion, I believe that I am going through some kind of trial by fire at the moment (stressful work situation; quitting smoking; injuries; weight issues; etc. etc.) and that I have to find ACCEPTANCE on a number of levels before I can move on.

In my past, I have been guilty of the "when I am this, that, or the other... I will be happy" syndrome. To wit, throughout my twenties, I held on to my childhood shit about being fat which was, at that time, anything but the truth. Now at the age of 43, I look back and realize the extent to which the best of those years were wasted by my wishing and hoping for that beautiful sculpted and ripped body that was never mine to achieve in the first place. I know now that searching for perfection is a one-way ticket to misery.

So fast forward - I have decided that I want to live (memo: rent the Susan Hayward movie, "I Want To Live") while I am pursuing a healthier weight and level of fitness. I do not want to look back on my fourties when I am sixty, only to realize that I made the same mistake as when I was in my twenties.

I have decided. So there!